Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Accomplishments, Anticipation, and Acceptance.

I knew I wasn't going to be good at this whole "blog thing." I keep trying to find something to write about, but I eventually discovered that you don't look for things to write about, they come to you. So, here goes my alphabet theme - if I find that I have nothing to post about, I will (in alphabetical order) choose to write about some concepts that can be related to my life! :)

My accomplishments are generally silent. They can be as simple as walking up stairs without stopping to catch my breath. (last week!) Or putting my closet door back in place without having to put any of my joints back where they belong! (yesterday!) Woohoo! I celebrate internally, so you probably wouldn't notice how much joy it brings me to do something I didn't think I could do - as simple as it is, whether intentionally or by accident.... I did it!

I anticipate the future, whether it be an event happening in a matter of minutes, days, weeks, or years. A few seconds from now will be the future.
Right now, on my mind are a bunch of important medical appointments happening in the next few weeks. First is a blood test and a visit to my GP tomorrow. Nothing too intense, just talking about new symptoms (grrrr) and have her take a look at my toe. (Two weeks ago, my pinkie toe and my chair had a physical disagreement over placement, and my toe kind of lost. Needless to say, it's still swollen, purple, and painful and we think I may have jammed the growth plate into the bone. Well done, Michelle, well done.)
On Friday, another session of physiotherapy... I'm determined to get stronger, and even though I do my exercise routine every day.... It's a slow process, I guess.
Next week is the Gastroenterology consult at Children's Hospital. This appointment I will find out if more tests or procedures need to be performed, (i first saw them in 2008) and if I am eligible for a feeding tube, as I am still struggling to gain weight. I've actually lost a few pounds in the last month, which is... well, bad.

After that comes my echocardiogram, which the rheumatologist ordered - because of my symptoms and a near diagnosis of a connective tissue disorder, she wants to make sure everything is working as it should be. EDS comes hand in hand with conditions such as Mitral Valve Prolapse, dysautonomia, Ventricular Tachycardia.... the list goes on and on, and unfortunately,  so do my matching symptoms.
And two days after my ECHO is possibly the most important of all - the geneticist. This is an appointment I have been waiting my entire life for, it seems. They have promised to do everything they can to give me a diagnosis - and whether it be EDS or not, I am ready for answers and acceptance.

I'm ready to accept. I'm finished crying because of the pain. I'll probably still break down very once in awhile, but I'm ready to accept that this is just my life now. I've never thought, "Why me?" in a self pitying way, I've only ever thought, "Why me" as in, What am I going to learn from this? What am I meant to do?
I'm ready to find out.
And I'm ready to live life again.

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